Underage sex conviction: Why older women have sex with young boys
As a headteacher is jailed for eight years after having sex with two underage boys, Radhika Sanghani explores what's going on in the minds of female sex offenders
6:28PM BST 23 Jun 2015
A 55-year-old headteacher has been convicted of having sex with two underage girls and taking their virginities. One was just 13 years old.
When you hear that statement, chances are you think of a vile sex offender – a man who abused his position of power, groomed his victims and deserves his eight-year jail sentence.
But what about when I tell you that I lied. It wasn’t a man who groomed underage girls. It was a female head teacher called Anne Lakey who has been found guilty of having underage sex with two boys back in the 1980s, when she was a history teacher in her late 20s.
It’s likely that the label ‘sex offender’ doesn’t jump to mind for Lakey – but that’s exactly what she is.
As a society, we tend to view cases of male and female sex offenders differently. We’re so used to hearing about male offenders that our reactions are honed – disgust, outrage and pity for the victim.
But when it’s a female offender, it’s different. Normally it’s portrayed as the woman falling in love with the boy so we see it as a strange but romantic affair where age is just an obstacle. We don’t always see her as a sex offender or the boy as a victim.
We say 'cor... lucky him'
Clinic psychologist Dr Jacquie Hetherton explains: “Women are stereotypically kind and loving and gentle and that doesn’t fit with our view of abusers. When we hear about examples in the news, we think, maybe the child misinterpreted it?
“We’re more likely to give these interpretations. We think ‘it can’t be that harmful for the child’, but research shows it is for people when they realise what happened. They feel used and abused.
“People tend to go, ‘it can’t be that bad’, and ‘cor... lucky him’, especially if it’s an attractive teacher,” says Dr Hetherton. “Society kind of endorses or supports [how the perpetrator sees the situation].”
Typically, when an older woman offends by having a relationship with someone she’s in charge of professionally, they fit into a psychological category known as the ‘teacher-lover’. Dr Hetherton explains: “These women feel they’re inducting the person into a loving relationship. They frame it that way and over look that they’re a child.
“They may see it as an affair and a viable way of expressing their sexuality. They might see the adolescent as responsible especially if they initiated it or seemed to enjoy it. Women are very into the idea of the big romance and if they think it’s reciprocated they can put it into their heads as, it’s a big love story. That’s something women are particularly vulnerable to.”
Manipulation disguised as 'love'
It explains why these women offend. Unlike the other types of female perpetrators – ‘pre-disposed offenders,’ who have a history of being abused themselves, or ‘male coerced offenders,’ who sexually abuse younger people because a man is coercing them into it – these types of women convince themselves they’re in love.
That’s not necessarily the case. Anthony Beech, criminological psychology professor at the University of Birmingham, explains his thinking: “The teachers are entitled. They think they can have sex with anyone they want. It’s power imbalance and manipulation. There’s a narcissism – I can do what I want because I’m the most important person going.”
But what about women such as 26-year-old teacher Ruth Vaughan who kissed a student at a leavers’ ball and had a sexual affair with him after he started university? She was banned from teaching for three years, and the relationship was deemed inappropriate even though the student wasn’t underage when they began being sexually active.
Ruth Vaughan
Ruth Vaughan
The National Council for Teaching and Leadership found her guilty of unacceptable professional conduct, though they acknowledged her conduct was “at the lower end of the possible spectrum,” and the incidents did not involve grooming.
What could have been going on in her mind? “It probably comes down to a connection,” says Dr Hetherton. “We can all feel connections with people but where we say it’s not appropriate and put the brakes on, they don’t put those brakes on. I think they frame it in their minds in a way that’s positive.
“Some are very attractive and you think, you can get a man your own age, what are you doing? But it’s about having a connection with that person.”
Many people are sexually attracted to teens
It means that this type of ‘teacher-lover’ doesn’t always have deep-rooted mental issues. She could be any one of us.
Donald Findlater, director of research at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation,which researches sex abuse, estimates that 10 to 15 per cent of adults will have occasional sexual interest in a teenager.
“It’s important to recognise that lots of people are capable,” he says. “But most people recognise the inappropriateness and professional boundaries and manage their behaviour. [Offenders are] not inherently different from lots of us, but they choose not to monitor an appropriate boundary.”
What’s worse is that there’s been an increase. A 2009 study found up to 64,000 women in the UK are ‘child-sex offenders’, though it’s estimated there are just hundreds in jails as opposed to thousands of male sex offenders.
It seems there’s a story in the news every week about a female teacher or adult having sex with a younger boy, and Findlater thinks the rise is due to technology:
“People are increasingly less clear about where professional boundaries should be. The immediacy that can be available from a text message or social media is making significant changes to all of our sex lives but certainly those of young professionals.”
Child victims are vulnerable. They will be harmed
It brings to mind the case of 29-year-old teacher Emma Harfield who was banned from the classroom for life after sharing a bed with two schoolboys. Though no sexual contact took place, a report found she “clearly crossed the professional boundaries that would be expected from any teacher /student relationship."
Harfield had contacted a student over Skype, and bought one an iPad and a laptop. Similarly Vaughan contacted a student over Facebook. It shows a clear blurring of boundaries that's specific to our modern age.
But Prof Beech suggests another reason for the rise in cases of female offenders could be a change in social behaviour: “One of the things from a sociological reason is women are becoming more like men, with the rise in drinking and violence.”
Female sex offenders tend to be younger than their male counterparts, and so they could be more similar to men with their sex habits, and more inclined to feel entitled to have sex with whoever they want.
The only real solution is therapy. Most female sex offenders are characterised by emotional dependency, low self-esteem, poor self-identity and a fear of men. Psychological help is necessary, and the goal is to make them realise that their ‘affairs’ as they might see them are actually damaging the younger victim.
“It’s important they see they’re still a child and vulnerable,” stresses Dr Hetherton. “That they are pushing them into sexual acts they may not be ready for.”
But the other issue is society. Our stereotypical attitudes towards female sex offenders allow them to continue offending – by not viewing them as serious criminals or excusing and justifying their behaviour, we create a culture where they can get away with their crimes.
It’s why Dr Hetherton says: “We do have to challenge our views. Female sex offending is such a taboo area, but at the moment, we're giving women a lot more leeway."
