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Tuesday, 31 March 2015

How not to win a Nigerian presidential election.

  • How not to win a Nigerian presidential election.
    • Declare that you won’t contest a second term then go back on your words and contest
    • Don’t give a damn about declaring your assets
    • Politicize chibok girl’s saga and claim it’s a lie and manipulation of the opposition
    • Wait till 6weeks before the delayed elections to seriously tackle book haram
    • Privatize darkness (sorry power) and make Nigerians pay hefty fees for the darkness
    • Do not implement oil subsidy probe report rather constitute a committee to constitute another committee that will implement
    • Grant pardon to formerly imprisoned corrupt public office holders
    • Declare that corruption is not stealing
    • Choose not to prosecute corrupt people or “even show them on the TV”
    • Write a computer program abi na technology to fight corruption (Even oyibo no get that type)
    • Be unable to account for 20billion dollars NNPC funds rather sack the CBN governor
    • Release your media representatives aka attack dogs and lion to continue insulting the intelligence of Nigerians as a cover up for you hopelessness in government.
    • Buy weapons at 9.5million dollars cash with a citizen’s private jet.
    People there’s a lot more from where this came but this should clearly show why Nigerians lost faith in a man they overwhelmingly voted for in 2011.
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        Say stealing is not corruption
        Outsource your functions to a co-coordinating minister
        be unable to string a complete sentence with some sense in it
        say you will rule for 60 years
        claim to be the biggest economy and not be able to feed your people
        Claim that you spoke with the ruler of another country when you didnt
        receive audit reports and set up committee to look into another committee
        ensure that 16 is greater than 19
        make sure that you contravene electoral laws by bringing an impeached candidate as your candidate in Ekiti
        withdraw the security details of the number 4 man because of defection
        use the NSA to scuttle scheduled elections
        use the IGP to say people should withdraw from pooling booths so you can rig
        clamp down on opposition members
        unleash electronic surveillance on citizens
        ensure that we are disrespected all over the world 
        push blames on others while you enjoy the privileges of office.