Don’t tell your daughter she is beautiful, parents told
Parents should stop telling their children they look beautiful because it places too much emphasis on appearance and can lead to body confidence issues later in life, Jo Swinson, the women’s minister, has claimed.
10:07PM BST 27 May 2013
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Mothers and fathers who praise their sons and daughters for wearing a nice outfit or having nice hair risk sending a message to children that looks are the most important thing to succeed in life, the minister said.
Instead, she said, children should be praised for completing tasks or their ability to be inquisitive.
In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Ms Swinson, 33, who does not have any children, also suggested that mothers should be careful about speaking about their own bodies in front of children.
The Liberal Democrat was speaking ahead of a progress report, due to be made tomorrow, on the Government’s "body confidence" campaign, which aims to raise awareness of the positive and negative portrayals of bodies in the media and find ways of building self-esteem among young people.
Asked what parents could say to their children to improve confidence, Ms Swinson, who is married to Duncan Hames, a fellow Lib Dem MP, said: “I know as an aunt, you fall into the trap of turning to your niece and saying, 'you look beautiful’ — because of course all children do look beautiful — but if the message they get is that is what’s important and that is what gets praise, then that’s not necessarily the most positive message you want them to hear.”
Ms Swinson suggested that “praising them for their skill in doing a jigsaw and all these other things that they are doing, their curiosity in asking questions and a whole range of things” was more appropriate than commenting on looks.
According to statistics quoted by the minister, one in four children aged 10 to 15 is unhappy about their appearance and 72 per cent of girls feel that too much attention is paid to the way female celebrities look. “It’s not like saying that appearance doesn’t matter at all,” said Ms Swinson. “If you’re going for an interview, you will dress smartly and look the part, that is absolutely fine, but it’s just the level to which this becomes the ultimate focus of everything, where you have people who won’t go to school unless they’ve put their make-up on, or won’t leave the house unless they’ve spent two hours getting ready.”
She told parents to watch what they say about their bodies in front of children. “Maybe parents themselves have significant issues with body image,” she said, referring to a television documentary.
“They [the parents] were telling the story of how they’d seen their bums in the mirror, and saying, 'does my bum look too big? I need to get rid of this tummy’, and children copy, they learn.”
Dads, take note too
She also had a message for fathers. “Perhaps they can consider what they say about women in front of their daughters, how they’re being judged and whether they’re saying any inappropriate comments suggesting that women’s value is in how they look.”
Young boys were also under pressure to look usually one of two ways; either buff and muscular or to get the "Pete-Doherty" thin look, she said.
The Scotswoman said that to praise someone for their appearance wasn't "bad in itself – we don't say you can't like someone else's dress" but urged parents to put comments about looks in their "appropriate place".
