REAL LIFE
Husband’s sex addiction forced us to split up
Desires that ripped apart young parents' marriage
Insatiable demands ... Nicola Merriman and sex addict hubby Mark
Published: 16 hrs ago
AT the end of another long day and with the kids in bed, mum Nicola Merriman wanted nothing more than an early night.
But as husband Mark snuggled beside her under the duvet, it was clear he had other ideas.
Nicola, 27, rolled over, ignoring his advances — and an argument erupted.
She had satisfied Mark’s demands FIVE TIMES that day and was miffed about being pestered yet again.
Mark’s insatiable sexual appetite was in fact a full-blown sex addiction and it almost wrecked their marriage.
Nicola even went as far as breaking up with him having grown tired of his endless demands for nookie.
If Mark, 36, didn’t get enough sex, he would throw a strop — and he even CHEATED on Nicola in order to get his fix.
The pair, who have since managed to patch things up, have decided to share their experience of what it is like to live with sex addiction to raise awareness of the condition.
Role play ... sex games were order of the day in Merriman household
Nicola said: “At times, I felt like a piece of meat. Our relationship was all about the sex. I didn’t feel the need for it constantly. I liked a bit of time out every now and again.
“It got to the point where there was no emotion in our love-making. It was just like a porn movie.
“Mark wanted to watch porn every day, too, but it became too much.
“In the end I just had enough — I couldn’t take it any more.
“It’s like eating your favourite food every day. After a point, it stops being your favourite food — a bit of variety is always nice.”
Locksmith Mark became obsessed with porn and adult magazines when he was a teenager. He would spend every night locked in his bedroom watching XXX movies.
Mark recalled: “It was naughty and I got a thrill out of it. I was intrigued. I went from doing what kids do — like playing football — to constantly thinking about women.
“I stopped hanging around with my friends because I was more interested in watching and learning about sex through porn.
“It was every night. I was also having sex with loads of different girls.”
A study by the Office of the Children’s Commissioner, led by Middlesex University, last week revealed online porn is driving children to have riskier and more extreme forms of sex from an earlier age.
Kids as young as ten were found to have viewed pornography, with the number increasing steadily up to the age of 18.
What Nicola had to cope with
- Sex 5 times a day
- Sex toys role play
- Different positions
- Porn DVDs
- His affairs
Mark — who has two boys, Marley, nine, and Rhys, five, with Nicola — admits his own sexual activity was heavily influenced by internet porn He said: “The internet has made things bad. Back in the Eighties, porn was about but it wasn’t as widespread. Now someone can put a video on the internet and it goes all around the world.
“It worries me how easy it is to watch porn these days. I have two young boys and Marley is already aware of sex.
“Children see this stuff on the internet and want to experiment.
“Kids are getting pregnant at 12 because they are seeing bits of porn and they are copying it without knowing the consequences.”
Horse groom Nicola met Mark in February 2002 and it was not long before he let her in on his sleazy porn habit.
The couple would have sex at least once a day and Mark would encourage Nicola to join him in watching the X-rated material.
Nicola said: “We were just having sex non-stop. At first I didn’t mind the porn because I thought it was fun to try something a bit different.
“But Mark wanted to introduce it all the time. After a while I was like, ‘Why do you need that?’ But he would constantly want to watch it while we had sex. At the time I didn’t realise he was an addict — I just thought it was a bit OTT.”
The couple married in 2005 but after the birth of their sons, Nicola found the demands of being a busy mum took its toll on her sex drive.
She said: “At night I just couldn’t be bothered. I was tired and didn’t want it all the time. That’s when it started to become an issue.
“Mark would badger me until I gave in. If I didn’t, it would cause an argument and he would storm out of the house to stop his sexual urges.
“But then he started going elsewhere to get it.
“I knew he was cheating on me and eventually he confessed. It put a massive strain on our relationship.” Mark added: “When I wasn’t having sex, I used to get depressed because nothing was stimulating me. I would get really anxious.
“My sex drive was really high and Nicola couldn’t cope with it so I ended up going elsewhere to fulfil it.
“It’s not that I wanted to. It’s like having a drug fix — you have to go and fulfil that addiction.”
The couple agreed to work at their relationship and tried different things to satisfy Mark’s sexual desires.
They experimented with sex toys, carried out role play and tried different positions.
Tough times ... Mark and Nicola Merriman are now back together after he sought help for problem
Mark said: “I had a huge collection of about 200 porn DVDs. Some of the movies were funny and we could have a laugh about them. To me, the sex in porn movies was normal — it’s what you’re ‘supposed’ to do.
“One thing I couldn’t understand, though, was how you’d watch a porn film and they’d be going at it for a couple of hours.
“So we tried everything to make us last longer. There are plenty of lotions and potions out there.
“I tried pushing the boundaries but because we were just copying what was in the movies, there was no emotion. It was just about sex.”
Nicola added: “I could have a giggle about some of the movies but then others were a bit extreme and it became too much.
“At times I didn’t really want sex but I’d just think, ‘Come on, let’s get it over and done with then’.
“At least then I knew Mark wasn’t going to find it elsewhere.” But Mark’s constant need for sex drove a wedge between the couple and major problems started to develop.
Nicola said: “There was no connection between us at all. We weren’t a couple — we were just two people together. So I ended it with him.”
The break-up in February 2011 made Mark realise his sex addiction was destroying everything he loved so he decided to seek help.
He started counselling with Steve Pope Associates, who provide therapy for addicts, and discovered how to control his desires.
Mark said: “When we split up, I realised I couldn’t carry on living like I was. There was more to life than sex. I was losing my family so I had to do something about it.
“The therapist told me not to have sex for four or five weeks and then I had to try normal love-making. It was really difficult.
“It’s like a kid enjoying sweets and then saying to them, ‘You’re not having any’. They will go frantic.
“But it made me realise my sex addiction wasn’t healthy. I had to reprogram my brain so that my life didn’t revolve around sex.
“After six months, I finally saw the light and realised it was my family that would make me truly happy. I needed Nicola and my boys back.”
Mark told Nicola he was getting help for his addiction and in February last year she agreed to give him another chance.
The couple had counselling and have learned to have a healthy sex life without porn. Nicola said: “I could see a big change in Mark. Everything fell back into place.
“He got rid of his porn DVDs and made a real effort.
“Now there’s a lot more feeling and emotion in our love-making. Sometimes he will wine and dine me and treat me to a massage first.
“We still like to experiment. I don’t get a bunch of flowers on Valentine’s Day. This year Mark spent more than £600 on presents from a sex shop.
“But we have a much healthier relationship now.
“We can have a few days’ break without it being an issue. It makes us want each other more.
“It’s become more than just sex. Now we make love.”
